In a funk

I don't usually like sharing my icky mood, but writing can be therapeutic, right? So here goes. I've been having a pretty horrendous week which has been getting in the way of, frankly, everything. As a result, I've neglected my reading pile, completed less than half of my projects planned for my shop, and I haven't felt like doing anything else but sulk and watch documentaries on Netflix. I've also been in the nastiest, most biting mood ever. I'm pretty sure I deserved the snippy attitude of the CSR I spoke to on the phone this morning. I probably sounded like I was about to bite her head off. 

As you probably already know, I've been immersed in getting myself reacquainted with the "real world" aka finding a job outside of the house. Ever since the USPS exponentially raised their overseas shipping rates, my business has been suffering. After I graduated in 2011, my initial plan was to wait until B finished his degree, got a job, and then look for a job for myself wherever we moved to. After the move and getting somewhat settled, I started scouring job sites for anything academic or library related: the two places I really enjoyed working in. It's been almost two months now and... nothing. Granted, I've been quite selective about the positions I've applied for, it still sucks that I haven't heard from anyone expressing any kind of interest. 

This week, I received 3 rejections: 1 via post, and 2 by email. One of them was sent to me less than 8 hours after I sent my application. Every single time I get a rejection or don't hear anything after I send off my resume and a well-composed cover letter, I feel as if I'm just not good enough. I can't help but compare myself to other people. I mean, they have jobs so they must be smarter and more skilled than I am, right?  I know that this isn't necessarily true and that the current state of the job market is a large factor into this. I know that many people less qualified than I am use their connections to get coveted positions. I'm aware that many people are refusing to retire early or switch careers. I know that most people my age and with my degree work multiple part-time jobs located dozens of miles apart just to make ends meet. I know, I know, I know. But it doesn't make me feel at ease. 

Honestly, is there nothing more gutting than job hunting? And that pun is definitely intended. It's just amusing that it's the hunter who's getting rend to pieces.
Ugh. Sorry for the long rant. I needed to get all that out, and I'm feeling somewhat better "talking" about it. A flaky pastry with some lavender tea might just do the trick. We'll see. On the plus side, it's getting cooler here in St. Louis, which hopefully will translate to more outfit photos! It's been just too gross finding outdoor places to take photos lately, what with the blazing humidity. 
As requested, here is a photo of my hair straight. I'm actually getting used to the layers now, though sometimes I freak out when I put my hair up in a ponytail and it feels thinner than usual. The lipcolor I'm wearing is A Different Grape by Clinique, which I've been reaching for a lot these days. On a sidenote: I absolutely adore the texture of this lipstick and how moisturized it keeps my lips throughout the day. 
bowling top : DIY :: gold&black bodycon skirt: Forever 21:: bow wedges: Urban Outfitters :: 
specs: Warby Parker, Sinclair
I'm hoping that this I get over my crappy mood and that things start looking up soon. I'm planning on keeping away from my computer all weekend to give me time to just relax and do other stuff to take my mind off of job hunting and refocus. Gotta keep trying! Chocolate helps, right? 
♥♥♥
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27 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear about the job hunting not going well. It has to be very frustrating! I am sure you will find something when you least expect it. In the meantime, chocolate and kitty loves always helps. Take care and enjoy your time this weekend :)

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  2. I know the feeling! I've been going on teaching interviews every few weeks and I can't get a job anywhere.

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  3. Aw I hope your job hunt picks up soon. Just keep on truckin'. I hear nothing but horror stories about finding jobs so I'm particularly worried about finding one once I finish my master's. I definitely don't have connections to get me a job and overall I feel inadequate. And I haven't even started. It's ridiculous that people like us, with degrees, have this much difficulty finding jobs!

    But anyway, I hope things start looking up soon. You look really really cute here in your adorable bowling pin top. That print is seriously awesome. I love how it looks with the bodycon skirt. Your hair color is looking super pretty too!

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  4. I understand your pain. Looking for jobs is the worst. It makes you feel incompetent and generally lousy. It's hard to remember that things happen when they are meant to and that everything is falling into place (although slowly). Keep the faith. You are fabulous and soon the right people are going to see that.

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  5. As someone that has been out of "real world" work since december I totally relate. The job hunt is super demoralizing. I know I shouldn't, but every job I apply for I assume is just a pipe dream. There are lots I probably could apply for but don't because I assume they are too good. I totally feel ya. I hope that things get better soon!

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  6. I remember the crushing feeling of finishing my PhD and having no job and no prospects. And it looks me March to August to get on my feet and find something (granted, not in my field and I'm still looking for a tenure track job, but it's comfortable, well-paying, could be a good career if I stick it out, and keeps me busy). Sometimes it just takes time and that's maddening and depressing (trust me, I was seriously depressed for several months last year about not being able to work in my field) but these things really do work themselves out in ways you probably would never expect. I can only offer you two pieces of advice. 1. Don't ever make the mistake of seeing this as a negative reflection on yourself and your abilities, especially in relation to others. Don't get sucked into that. It's self-destructive and pointless. 2. As hard as it is, this is one of those times in life when you have to just give yourself over and declare "I'm like a piece of wood in a river, I have no control and I have to just let go and let the river carry me where it will.

    Not super heartening, I know, but it really will all work out!

    Courtney ~ Sartorial Sidelines

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  7. I absolutely feel you on job hunting, Laura. It's depressing. But two months isn't really long, keep your head up :) Some of my colleagues and peers have been hunting for a year now, with no restrictions on locations...it's just that hard right now. We'll find something! We will! And at least B has a job. That helps!

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  8. I'm so sorry you haven't found something! It'll happen I know it will! It just HAS to. Chin up! And chocolate helps EVERYTHING. :)

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  9. Looking for a job is the absolute WORST. It's just so demoralizing, but it's worth it in the end. Good luck! It just takes time!

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  10. I hear you girl, my job experience even in a pharmacy counts for nothing in US as over here you need qualifications for the same job and my MA makes me over qualified for others. Some times I wonder if being a non America works against me too when everything on my CV is British based. Sigh. Keep your head up though, the wait will be worth it!

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  11. Oh no! I'm sorry this has been a bummer week. Job hunting is no joke. I watched both Matt and my brother go through it. Between them they sent out hundreds and hundreds of applications. My brother was even applying to retail stores in the mall and couldn't even get a call back. Eventually things worked out for both of them, though, and it will work out for you even though I know it doesn't feel like it. You know I always have my fingers crossed for you!

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  12. Grab a pastry and tea and keep fighting the good fight! It could take a few more months. Six months isn't uncommon now.

    I'm surprised you received rejections at all, especially one by post. These days I fell like that's actually pretty nice. As I'm sure you know, most employers just ignore you entirely, even if you interview. It's rude, but unfortunately the new normal, I think.

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  13. You will get there doll :)) You will get back up and dust yourself off and fight again. It does take time and sometimes that can drive us bonkers, but something will come around for you. Rejections can be tough to deal with, but it doesn't mean your not good enough, it just means your better for something else. Don't let it bring you down. You do an amazing job and someone will see that soon :))) Keep your head up :)))) xx

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  14. chin up, girl, something will come along. i know it's frustrating, but don't think it's you! you have all the qualifications! i hate job hunting, too. i've been working with family for 13 years! i'm getting worried about having to look for a job if my sister decides to retire anytime soon!

    [oomph.]
    Victoria's Secret Giveaway!
    Coach bag Giveaway!

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  15. So I don't forget, I'm going to tell you how much I love your hair straight. It's beautiful when it's curly/wavy but the straight is just so special. Probably because I can't get mine like that without a heck of a lot of effort.

    On the job front, I hear ya. I want to help by staying positive for you. Let rejections roll away like water off a ducks back. It's not something personal about you. For whatever reason, someone else just beat you to the punch. You're a hell of a writer so we know it's not a failure on your part for your cover sheets. Stay true to you and what you love. Find that position that's a good fit for you so that you enjoy getting through each day. Schools have libraries right? Universities and public libraries might be good options? Any of them have an volunteer based programs so that you can at least get your foot in the door and develop some contacts in the area professionally? If push comes to shove how do you feel about a bookstore position?

    Look at how many readers are sending you good vibes. :D We all adore you and are keeping our fingers crossed for you. It's bound to count for something. Good luck!

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  16. Ahh ranting is okay when you feel like that. Getting a job can be really hard nowadays, there are lots of people who apply like 1000 places before they get chosen.
    Your hair looks amazing <3
    Have a good weekend :) xxx

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  17. It's ok to rant! You gotta let it all out! And job hunting SUCKS. It's necessary but honestly, it just sucks. I hope you find something suited to you very soon! I am sure you will! Hugs to you pretty lady!! And you look really cute here I have to say! Yay for cooler weather!!

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  18. I feel this way all the time. Don't let the rejection get to you. Something WILL come along!

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  19. It's good that you got it out Laura. There are so many people in the same situation as you. So don't feel bad. Some people have given up looking. It's a frustrating process! It's not only a problem here in the States but other countries as well. All I can suggest is to don't give up, keep looking and ask around. You're extremely intelligent, so don't knock yourself. Just know there is a reason for all of this. Sometimes when you don't get a job at a particular place, it may mean you're not suppose to be there. Keep moving forward and know where you're suppose to be will find you.
    http://www.averysweetblog.com/

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  20. Girl, don't lose hope! I'm in the same boat as you. We just have to keep trying everyday. Something that is meant to be will work out for us! And of course, chocolate always helps. Good luck to you! Just keep swimming :)

    Cheers!
    Akshara
    Simply Akshara

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  21. I'm about to start a job hunt next week (I got laid off on Monday) and I'm a little nervous about getting rejected. I'm afraid that I will keep asking myself "am I good enough for this job?" and drive myself insane. I'm rooting for you though, I hope you find a job that you'll love. Good luck, Laura!

    JanLoves

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  22. You look really lovely, honey. ♥ I'm sorry to hear job hunting is giving you a headache, but don't beat yourself up, it doesn't mean all the people with jobs are better. They're not. You'll get a nice job, just be your fabulous self and they will see how awesome you are, and they will want to hire you. I fully believe in you ♥

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  23. Hang in there dear Laura! You will find soomething, I know global shipping rates are so expensive now, my sister talked about that recently for her business a lot. Just take one day at a time, small pieces of the pie, helps instead of trying to do it all in one setting. Have a joyful week. xx/Madison

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  24. I'm probably way too excited about this for my own good, but I have the same exact lipstick. I'm too cheap to buy Clinique lipstick so I think it was a Bonus piece. It's a gorgeous colour on you. Looks more berry on me, but I think that's because of my skin tone. And yes it's nice and moisturizing!

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  25. Laura, just got back from Spain and I'm sorry to read about your funk, love! Hang in there, lady, it's going to be okay. I think you are right in holding out for a job that you like and will enjoy. There's nothing worse than having to wake up in the morning to toil at something you hate. Been there, done that and it's no fun. Good things are headed your way. Hang on, friend. Hang on! :)

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  26. Job hunting sucks. It took me at least six months before I found something when I first moved back to NOLA. You will definitely figure it out, and at least you look good whiel you're doing it.

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  27. Sorry, Laura, this is wayyyy overdue, but I just want to say I'm sending you good job hunting vibes your way. I know how hard that whole process can be.
    When we moved to Edinburgh two years ago, I was in the same exact boat (minus the awesome amazingness of having my own shop!). Spending too much time in the house (being outside of it meant I spent money which I didn't have or felt guilty about) and just hoping, hoping, hoping a job would come through. I did find a job eventually, but the long (and many) months inbetween I was in a long-term funk.
    All that said, I'm so glad you still have your wonderful shop and can share your creativity with the world. Your fox scarf makes me so happy every time I wear it.
    xoxox, Lar

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your comments make my day. thanks! ♥